Oil and Water
by My Secret
Summary: I was clinging desperately to what he could give me; it wasn't hope. No, I didn't feel hope anymore. I had swallowed that down a long time ago. DRABBLE DRABBLE DRABBLE! BxE
1. Chapter 1

_He was the sun to my thirty days of night._

_I was clinging desperately to what he could give me; it wasn't hope._

_ No, I didn't feel hope anymore. I had swallowed that down a long time ago._

_ It was some mixture of satisfaction and this anticipation that I felt right down to my bones. _

_He was breathin' life back into lungs that had barely been hanging on._

_It was the way my name rolled off his tongue, his eyes finding mine in the dark before he drifted down, down, down and lost himself—taking me right along with him._

_We were oil and water, colliding and never coming together the right way._

_ He'd float to the top while I clung to the deepest part of the depths that I could reach._

_A rare and beautiful melody—that's what he would call it when I laughed._

_ Some far off sound that he only heard once in a while. I didn't laugh much, I never laughed when he wasn't around. _

_I yelled though, I had pipes on me, and I wasn't afraid to let him hear me. _

_But the whole time I did, the corner of his mouth would turn up and his eyes would twinkle—mischievous, someone had called him once._

_I felt myself gasping for air when he wasn't around. I felt every ray of the sun leaving my skin, and then the night was swallowing me whole again._

_When the light left his eyes, the sun left with it._

_ I was in darkness, and there would be no reprieve._

_He was gone, and I would never be saved._


	2. Chapter 2

I was shallow. Not shallow when it came to the looks of others, or their wealth—my soul itself was shallow.

There was no depth to me anymore.

I couldn't remember the last time I had acted on any impulse, had given anything more than a moment of thought.

It was easier to let life drain from me, to let the light die out in my eyes.

I was the stereotype. I had let someone win. I let someone take power over me and I surrendered, every day…every night.

I stopped drinking; it wasn't doing me any favors. I walked into one AA meeting and immediately turned around when I saw the pathetic look in everyone's eyes. I couldn't be bothered with walking home, I ran.

The urge to throw every bottle away was burning my fingers tips.

I purged myself that night, over and over, and looked for a new beginning.

Every morning when I woke up I stared at myself for long bouts of time.

My eyes followed the dull brown strands of hair that slid down my shoulders, the baggy t-shirt that tried to mold to the shape I yearned to hide.

I would pull my hair back into a low pony tail; bury my body in a large hoodie, matching sweatpants and old sneakers.

I had left my job as a makeup consultant at the large department store that teased me every time I drove by.

I had no desire to be looked at for confidence, for beauty, for self-esteem.

I had lost those traits, just as I was losing all other parts of me.


	3. Chapter 3

I worked at a local warehouse now, soldering parts together for military radios. No one looked my way, and I found myself thankful.

Day in and out I cemented myself to my small work area, and embraced the sounds that filled the room making it impossible for me to think.

I'd leave and let the exhaustion carry me home.

Lights became markers for how far away I was, and within minutes I'd find myself pulling into the driveway of the small house my parents had left me. I shouldn't say "left" me; because it implies that they had a will and intentionally left me this house.

They were taken from me, would be a more accurate description.

Taken from me just as everything else had been, but here I stayed cemented to the ground… cemented to this world.

I was 24, maybe 25 now.

I realized a cellphone was an unnecessary expense when I never bothered to call anyone back.

They left message after message, hoping to bring me back down into their orbit—but I was too far gone.

Without a cellphone, calendar, or actual concern of the date I found myself using the seasons to tell time.

I wasn't sure how long I had been this way; or if it would ever stop. If I tried to think about it my mind forced me to examine the start of it all… and that's something I couldn't bear.

Work five days, sleep for two. Wake up and start again at day one.

This day was different though. As I cemented myself to my work station, they approached me. His eyes scanned me as if he was trying to look past all of the layers I had built on top of myself- as if he could tell.

"Bella, this is Edward. He's gonna be taking on the station next to you, but I need you to train him this week."

There was no question, just an expectation. And then we were alone, the two of us, sizing each other up while I secretly tore myself down.


	4. Chapter 4

"It's nice to meet you." He said softly, as if approaching a wounded animal. Was it all that apparent?

Could he see it in my posture, in my mannerisms?

"You too." I said, but my voice didn't sound right.

When was the last time I spoke? I couldn't remember the last time I said anything to anyone.

Maybe the grocery store two weeks ago when the cashier spoke to me? Did I answer?

He offered me a small smile and slid behind me, making sure to leave a space between our bodies.

I cleared my throat and did my best to sound strong, to sound sure of myself.

He hung on every word, his eyes following each movement of my small hands.

There was an energy that floated around him, beckoning me with its long, curving fingers. I found myself breathing a little deeper around him, I found my world expanding a little as he forced his way in.

For a week I explained the ins and outs of our job, the facility, the authority.

He hung on each word, every day, every hour, every minute. He only spoke when he needed to, but he watched me more often each day.

His eyes innocently scanned the baggy clothes that hung from my body.

There wasn't a hungry look in his eye, the look that I feared for. No—it was curiosity. My skin didn't crawl when he was near. Each day, breathing became easier.


	5. Chapter 5

A month had passed now.

We worked diligently together, our productivity impressive.

I spoke little, he was patient with me. He would ask how my lunch was, how my drive was, if I minded the rain. I offered one word answers, but each day I slowly remembered how to smile.

I remember the way his jaw dropped when he heard me laugh for the first time.

"Do that again." He urged, his eyes locking onto mine as I stared back, an awkward feeling rising in my gut.

"Do what?"

"Laugh, Bella. I've never heard you laugh."


	6. Chapter 6

He was slowly changing me, no matter how much I repelled the thought of change.

He was pulling me from the hole I had buried myself in.

The bits of light were beginning to peak through my darkened world.

"Just one time, Bella. It could be fun, you never have fun."

"I don't think so." I had said for the tenth time.

A movie? He wanted me to go with him to see some action movie, I hadn't recognized the name but I didn't keep track of much these days.

"Bella, I'm not taking no for an answer. I've been here three months now, and you never do anything. It's Friday, we're going."

The finality of his statement shaking me to my core. So many things he's said to me have this effect; I feel it right in my bones.

I don't know what's happening to me, I don't know what these feelings are anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

He seemed surprised and almost relieved when I said I didn't need to go home to change.

Baggy black jeans, a tank top two sizes too large. It's been so long since I've worn makeup.

His hand is on the small of my back when he leads me to his car, I feel fire burning from his fingertips.

I'm quiet. He doesn't seem to mind at all.

The girl behind the thick glass looks at us as if I'm a homeless person. He smiles at her, my heart hurts.

Why do I care?

Popcorn? Do I want candy? I shake my head dully. A lot of fun I'm going to be tonight.

There's lots of blood, bad lines, and sex. I laugh again. This movie is terrible. And out of the corner of my eye I seem him smile.


	8. Chapter 8

"And when he threw that guy through the window, and he made that terrible moaning sound?"

I'm talking. I'm having an actual conversation. I forgot what this felt like.

He's answering me, and his eyes light up in the most magnificent way.

They're brown… or hazel… or honestly I'm not sure, I've never seen eyes like his.

I feel something I haven't felt in so long. I feel grounded. I feel like I'm here.

He leans in; his eyes are on my lips and my body freezes.

No.

In the end he's still a guy.

The look on my face is upsetting him. He backs up quickly and goes to his side of the car.

We're silent until he drops me off.

This was a bad idea, like I knew it was.

"Bella—I'm sorry." He's frustrated. He wants me to be normal.


	9. Chapter 9

I dream that night. I dream every night, but usually I don't remember them so vividly.

_I can't breathe. He's on top of me again. He's pushing the needle into my delicate skin._

_"it'll make it better, beautiful Bella." I'm crying but no one will hear us. _

_Thrust. Chuckle. Thrust. Grunt. _

_When will he be done?_

I don't go to work that day. I lay in bed. I fight the urge to go to the liquor store.

If I still had friends maybe I could talk to them.

No.

No one needs to know this. I sink and sink until there's no possible way for me to reach the surface.

I wonder what death would be like.


	10. Chapter 10

Someone's knocking at my door.

It can't be _him_… he's gone.

I lay in bed, ignoring it. There's nothing you're selling that I want. There's no savior you're peddling that can help me.

The knocking doesn't cease.

"Bella. I know you're in there. Please open the door."

Edward.

His voice is doing it again. Tugging at me.

I fell asleep in my clothes from yesterday. He doesn't seem bothered by the way they hang from my form today.

"Are you okay?" How do I answer that question? How do I answer a question I can tell he knows the answer to?

_Let him help you._

I force a smile on my face instead. I know it must look wrong.

"That uh.. it's that time of the month." Why did I say that? How much more awkward can I make this?

"Oh.. uh. Do you. Do you need anything?" He's trying not to laugh. The corner of his mouth is turning up though.

He's handsome. I thought I'd never notice that about someone again. But I'm seeing it clearly now.

"No. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You will." There's more behind his words than the initial definition. He's not letting this go. He wants me to rise to the surface.


	11. Chapter 11

I sit at the back of my bed, my form curled into itself as if I'm trying to simply absorb my body and disappear.

_That time of the month_. I can't believe those words came out of my mouth.

Nervous. That's how he makes me feel. My whole body is tingling, jittery.

I'm on a roller coaster and constantly dropping into that first loop, my stomach heaving.

Why couldn't I tell him? Why can't I tell anyone?

I spend the night that way, I don't remember eating.

When the sun peaks into my window the next morning my eyes are open.

The dreams… no. the nightmares do this to me sometimes.

There's a knock at my door again.

No one is ever here this early.

When I open it, he's standing there, that smile glued to his face. He really is handsome. I think he knows it.

"I wanted to take you to work, Bella." His voice is soft, but there isn't a question—this is a command.

His eyes sweep over my clothes and for a moment he seems concerned, but he's quick to hide it.

I can't find my voice.

I back up. I let him in.


	12. Chapter 12

His eyes are everywhere.

He's probably trying to make sense of the lack of... well… everything.

There aren't any lights, pictures, no tv… I never noticed before, but now I was more than aware.

He moved to the kitchen, his eyes doing the same sweep as he took in the lack of table.

Before I could stop him he was pulling open the cupboards, the fridge, examining every inch of what wasn't there.

He turned to me suddenly, his eyes blazing, his voice harsh.

"What the hell happened to you, Bella?"

"I.."

"I'm tired of tip-toeing around this. I'm tired of this… shell. There's no food here, you're skin and bones. You've been wearing that outfit for two days. You barely speak to anyone. What happened?"

Again, this wasn't a question.

I stared at him, but his piercing gaze forced my eyes to the floor.

"Please leave." My voice was so unsure. Why was I pushing him out?

"I'm not leaving. I'm not letting you live like this. You need help, and apparently you're not going to ask for it."

He moved an inch closer, and for once I didn't flinch.

Before I could fully understand It his hand was on my face, cupping my cheek.

My skin wasn't vibrating with the fear I thought it would.

I wasn't praying for him to move.

His touch was… comforting.


	13. Chapter 13

His gaze is burning me.

his touch on my skin is burning me.

Please let me speak.

Let me say something that'll make everything clear.

"I don't have my period."

He smiles, the corner of his mouth twitching as he fights to keep the laugh in.

I have no idea why I said that.

"Just let me help you." His voice is soft, but there's urgency there. I start to wonder why he wants to help me so badly.

His fingers are stroking my skin and leaving trails of fire in their wake.

"I don't..." I realize I don't know where to start. My jaw hangs down as the words shove their way back down my throat.

I don't know how to pick myself back up.

I don't know how to live again.

Warm. My body suddenly feels warm. His arms around me. He's... he's hugging me.

This feels so much better than I thought it would. I'm not scared. I need this. My arms are around him so quickly and I'm squeezing him with all my might.

I'm scared that if I let go he'll be gone and I'll be alone, drowning again.

My fingers are dragging across the back of his neck, tugging at his shirt, clinging to him desperately.

I'm tethering myself to him.


	14. Chapter 14

_"Oh Bella, I've always thought you were one fine piece of ass." Thrust. Grunt. Thrust. Groan._

_He's breaking apart every piece of me, and I know they'll never fit back together._

_I'm not speaking anymore._

_I've tried screaming, but there's no one around. I'm alone in this._

_Thrust. Grunt. Thrust. Groan._

_"You're not even stopping me, I knew you wanted it." His breath is hot on my face, and the tears stinging my eyes are barely staying at bay._

_Don't let him see you break._

_…_

_Don't break in front of him. It'll be over soon. _

"Bella? Bella are you okay?"

Edward is shaking me. He's trying to reel me back in, but I'm losing my tether to him.

"Bella, talk to me."

I can't. I can't tell him.


	15. Chapter 15

Edward has taken to playing a new game.

Every morning he picks me up. I suppose he feels responsible for me now, though I'm not sure when I became so helpless.

I stopped fighting it after the first two days. It was pointless, as most arguments with Edward seemed to be.

Each morning he asked me one question- one thing to help him understand me.

"How old are you?" His voice was playful, but I could tell the question was serious.

How could I respond that I wasn't sure? Would he think I was joking if I asked what the date was?

"In my twenties." I finally settled on, though the nerves that bubbled in my stomach suggested that I hadn't settled at all.

_How do you not know how old you are? How have you come this far?_

Everyone at work looks at us.

I feel eyes on us constantly.. but before my mind can drift to that place, he starts tethering me back to him.

He recognizes the expressions on my face now. The first time he grabbed my hand, I thought my soul was leaving my body.

He didn't seem surprised by my reaction- but he didn't let go. His actions said more than any words could.


	16. Chapter 16

Its been a few weeks since Edward started taking me to work.

With each new day, he inserts himself a little deeper into my world.

He had shown up with groceries one day, that same smile gracing his features.

"It's time to put some meat on your bones, Bella."

I never argued. When he started following me into the house after work, I never stopped him.

He would hum while he made dinner. The light that emitted from him was tearing apart the shadows that clung to me.

I would perch on the counter, my eyes following his hands as he worked.

Every now and then he would offer me that smile, and euphoria blasted through me.

I started to consider that I had to believe in something... some higher power. There was just something so ethereal about him.

If I believed in angels, I would think he was one. Surrounded by light, and grace. He was too good to be human.

"Do you like to cook, Bella?" He grinned, arching his brow at me.

"I used to." I didn't say more, and he didn't pry.

Our conversations were safe. He would gauge my mood for the day, and talk accordingly.

I don't know why he felt so determined to help me.

I couldn't even help myself.


	17. Chapter 17

After some coaxing on his part, he finally convinced me that it was time to have a phone again.

"What if I want to send you funny pictures of cats?!"

That had been his argument.

Honestly, Edward could have just told me to do it, and I would comply. I was completely and utterly wrapped around his finger.

When I was with him, I could breathe. There wasn't a weight crushing my chest.

The more I was with him...I started to feel like me again.

We went to a local store and quickly picked a phone, I wasn't too interested but he assured me it was a good one. When we finished he put his number in and turned it to show me.

"Now you can get a hold of me whenever you need me." He said it lightly, but as usual there was more to his statement than its surface meaning.

It was another life line. The tethers were growing stronger.

That same night he fell asleep on the couch, I didn't have the heart to wake him up. I draped an old throw blanket over him and made my way to my room.

Hours later he was shaking me violently, his eyes wide with concern.

"What is it..?" As I spoke I realized I was out of breathe. My body felt shaky as I sat up.

"You were screaming, Bella... You were screaming 'James, stop, please'... Bella, please. Tell me what happened."

My throat felt dry as I heard that name out loud. My eyes fluttered, my hands clinging to him desperately.

_Tell him. Tell someone. Just say it out loud._

"I..." The words were cement in my mouth, hardening and fighting my ability to say those three words.

"I was raped."


	18. Chapter 18

The air around us was thick.

I watched him process the information: anger, compassion, sadness... and the one I always wanted to avoid; pity.

"Bella..." I hated that his voice sounded that way because of me. Hoarse, broken... so many questions hung in the air.

I fought to control the anxiety that was creeping in. I had never told anyone. Up until yesterday, when we got the phone I hadn't even realized the date. It had happened ten months ago.

Ten months. How had I let so much time pass before I could utter those words? Even now I could feel my veins constricting, my chest tightening, my mouth becoming dry.

I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't answer the questions I knew he needed me to.

Edward sensed the urgency in me. The urgency to flee; the undiluted need to escape from this conversation.. from my reality.

"Bella, please. Don't go." He was fighting to sound normal. His eyes were swallowing me, his soul bearing itself to me.

_You have to say it. Just say the words. _

"He... he was a security guard at the mall that I worked at. He um... he flirted with me, often... no matter how many times I told him I wasn't interested." _Breathe. Let the air fill your lungs, you're okay. Just get the words out._

"We never walk out alone, but I forgot my phone in the back room... I told everyone I'd be fine, and they left. I made my way down the back hall that would let me in from our shipment door. There was no one... I was quick. I thought I would be fine. I grabbed the phone and went back down the same hall."

His hands were gripping mine now, his eyes trying to meet mine- but I couldn't do it.

"I can't remember certain pieces... he must've knocked me out. When I woke up we were in the basement of the mall... there was a needle hanging out of my arm. I have to guess it was heroin maybe? Honestly, I never asked... it seemed insignificant at the time." I swallowed hard, but the lump in my throat only grew thicker. _Thrust. Grunt. Thrust. Moan. _

"When..when he was done he must've given me another dose... I don't know. I didn't wake up again for another few hours. He was gone. And... well, here we are." I couldn't offer him more than that... the details swirled in my brain, pulling the oxygen from my lungs, I was dying right here. I could feel the tethers slipping as I started to retreat back to the waters that I so desperately wanted to sink into.

"Bella, stay with me... please." His voice was echoing around me, but the darkness was faster. I welcomed it.


	19. Chapter 19

The lights teased me as my eyes fluttered and brought me back to reality.

He was pacing.

His feet could easily wear holes into the floors if he continued.

I fought to console him, to say anything that could make him feel okay.

I had lived with this for almost a year, but the words I had said- they were fresh to him.

He must've noticed the changing in my breathing, or maybe Edward had become more aware of me then I realized.

When he spun on his heel his eyes were wild and consuming. He couldn't seem to figure out what to do- and this is what I had always feared.

"Bella..." he started, but the words dried in his mouth, leaving him lost to his thoughts once again. He sat at the edge of my bed and I could see the gears turning.

He was trying to figure out how to approach the situation... how to approach me. And suddenly I realized how much I had changed our dynamic.

I wanted to crawl back into the darkness, pleading with it to never leave again.

"Bella, when you want to talk about this more, I'm ready. But... can I just hug you for now?"

Sweet, innocent, charming Edward. If only a hug could fix it all.

I spent hours in his arms. No words. Just tethers.


	20. Chapter 20

Weeks went by this way.

We didn't speak of it, but his eyes lingered on me often. I continued to slowly inch back into the world.

day by day the world welcomed me back in. I remembered what it meant to smile, to not cower in fear when someone looked my way.

Edward was a saint, though I could see my secret wore him down day after day.

He longed for me to get "justice" but would justice give me back my life?

No; I didn't long for justice... I longed for peace. I wanted to feel human again.

The first time I slid back into a dress, his eyes widened, his adam's apple bobbing as he fought the urges that coursed through him.

"Bella..." He sighed, pushing those bony fingers through tangled bronze.

"You're so beautiful."

My heart opened a little more that day. I remembered what it was like to feel something good.


	21. Chapter 21

"I want to try something..." he said, while his breathe tickled my pale complexion.

It had taken time; the clocks had died and been reborn by the time I could let him touch me with a sense of ease.

But what he wanted; could I ever provide that?

"Hold very still." he whispered, as if I could move my body a mere inch at this moment. My pulse echoed in my ears,

my skin tingling as he lowered his head to mine.

Our lips touched and electricity ran through my veins. Air began filling my lungs, color began to fill my world.

His hands lingered safely on my arms, his desire to make me feel safe was always a priority.

Don't let this get in the way. _Thrust, grunt, thrust, moan. _

My eyes flutter, that familiar darkness is etching its way in.

This time though... this time is different. my hands find his chest, my tired fingers clinging to the soft material they find.

I root myself to him.


End file.
